Fellow sheep in the sheep van

In a strange land you're shepherding yourself. You find sheep like yourself. What would your reaction be? Relief? You now move together, graze together. What is the feeling? Comfort? You discover a lot about the others, you help each other, you watch out for each other and then live together. What is it called? Happy Sheepy Family!

Here are my fellow sheep with whom I am stuck now!

Vinay Chinta

Facebook name: Babbaii Roxx (LMAO, what a wannabe name)

Indian name (As in American Red Indian): The one who doesn't fear getting run over by a bull or have his balls chewed by a cheetah as much as he fears missing a movie.

Diet: Rice and curd. Will die to be alive to eat these another day! (Daily consumption = 2 to 3). Waist size due to diet = 34.

(Above figures are in quintals and feet).

Commonly seen: Advising or chattering away on Skype/Phone with near and dear ones. On weeknights, seen with Varun and others in some nightclub! His roommates should be awarded something big for enduring his low-waist jeans and his cleavage (rear)! His friends are known to take pictures of it as they take of miracles like Ganesha drinking milk or Monkeyman in Delhi! Pulling Pushkar's legs, bantering about some guy or some girl. Explaining why his professor ( a man) is a hunk...

Never seen: Posing for a pic with his mouth closed... You might as well expect water to be found in the sun...

Commonly used phrase: Arrey #^@!*#, $#$^;^@, yaar! Chappal se maarunga !$#@^#%

Commonly addresses others as: Abey/ Baabaai/ Annayya/ Maams.

Will send chats/pings from next room as opposed to moving his ass, walk up and speak to you.

Funniest aspects: His voicemail and his accent in it. Tops it with super-blurred pronunciation which a lot of people can't understand. Like people being swept away by running river water clutch on to a log or branch with all their lives, people clutch on to nearest furniture or their forehead trying to decode his speed/words!

Pushkar Singh

Nickname: Pussy. Also known as Bihari, Pussy Baba, McPuss, Pushkaruu (by Pavan who is guessably Telugu), Kalla, Guru

Indian name: The one whose teeth are the only things visible in a dark room. One who is supposed to have done an unmentionable thing in hostel for up to 14 times in a day (which is so hard to believe). One who has a weak ass (No thighs... something...). One who knows about strip clubs (or anything for that matter) and the frustrations they cause and be the first one to run back home and anti-socialize.

Commonly seen: With a hanky tied around his forehead to set his hair. Feasting on bananas to cure his weak thighs. Lying on his bed with his laptop on his 6- pack or sometimes a little lower.

In the virtual world: He is the Sachin Tendulkar, Albert Einstein, Michael Schumacher, Elvis Presley of the house. Commonly seen gathering his villagers and running to some other Town Center in Age of Empires 3. If settled he is very dangerous. He only sends his MVP - Hand Cavalry and thrashes the $^*;# out of the enemy and plays a major role rescuing his teammates (Often Varun!)

Commonly uttered stuff: Ohh Maa! Oh bhennnn...di! Abbey kyaa bolle ho bey! Chinta beti___(unparliamentary words for Chinta's daughter), Potty beti___ (Where Potty = Varun Turlapotty), Powwaa Haraami, Pavna (Pavan) Haraami! Bhhhhakkkkk!

Sole aim in life: Apart from that of finding a wife who can make rotis for him, his aim is to criticize, or nag Varun, preach stuff. He fears revealing his other major aim (esp to Vaibhav) because it is to free Biharis in Mumbai and give them a separate state in Mumbai itself!

Strengths: Makes sambhar during his turn in cooking! Roommates hardly remember having eaten another dish by him.

Weaknesses: None known to humanity (himself). However, his shy smile can cause weakness in knees of opposite sex, come to think of it!

Vaibhav Khairnar

Nickname: Pauwa/Powwa, Body Builder, Bouncer

Indian name: One who has never smiled in photographs so far/ one who has same expression in every photograph (Expression saying perhaps "Big deal. Do I care!").

Passions: Keep watching out for deals online and tempt others into thinking 100 times about it. Then confuse them when they are about to decide on something. Keeps uttering sahastranam (1000 names) of Pushkar. Either same name in different styles or different nicknames in different styles.

Other known facts: Harbors feelings for Pushkar and also for a girl that Chinta has a crush on. Publicly, however, they declare disgust/hatred for her. 

Penchant: Has a knack for cracking up people around him with his PJs or some absurd logic.

[Recorded saying: "Pushkar, you should buy a car for us roomies. It is hard to commute to college."

Pushkar retorts: Go in a taxi or rent a car.

Vaibhav: Abey nahi! No! You can't park it by Chicago river. Doesn't feel nice to accidentally drown someone else's car!]

Has a funny voicemail too. (Voicemail funny-ness rating = 6 out of 5. A very matter-of-fact-ly "Hi! Currently I am not a... a... aevuh-laebal (available). Plizz uh call me back later!" or some such thing.) Watches movies, episodes or plays Age of Empires. Together with  McPuss, he forms a strong team in Age of Empires/ Counter-strike. Jujubes (helpless/hapless ones like Varun) always benefit being in their team.

Often says: "Kyaaa?" with a constipated look on his face. "... meansss..." 

Known to: Strip down to skin-tight t-shirts or vests to show off his muscles at the drop of a hat (Or at the visit of a girl, perhaps?). To mock Pavnaa's pronunciation of Hindi words while not realizing how much entertainment his English pronunciations are...

Pavan Mamidipalli

Full name: Phani Raja Pavan Mamidipalli

Bankers say: He doesn't need encrypted password. His name is good enough!

Nickname: PavNaa, Anniyaa, Nassu (After Naseeruddin Shah, whom he resembles).

USP: Shrill voice (Shrillest a man can have. When uttering interjections, they sound like they are coming from an angry dog whose neck has been throttled so much that it is now gasping like a cat or a horn from old style motors). Partial stammer when uttering words starting with P/ K (P. Phh. Phhushkaruu - refer above)

Commonly exclaims: "Nee ammaa rey..." (Some views and humble opinions about the other person's mother), "Nee khhaamedy ni ..." (comedy- again some views about the other fellow's humor). "Of course!" "Wokay!"

Trivia: Is a fatherly figure. Together with the rice-eating, movie freak above, he forms a formidable pro-Andhra team. If President Bush were to be in tenure, he'd have been drawn to the strange increase in rice consumption in USA ever since Fall 2009.

His words have inspired Biharis above to pick up curses in Telugu (Puss was once heard saying, "Neeeyummm ray!")

Popular pass-time: Calling up near and dear ones, talking about world affairs. Joining in pulling Phhushkaru's or Varun-gaa's legsu! Ganging up with Chinta to support listening to Mass (crass) songs in Telugu! Watching scenes from a watched movie over and over again.

Miracles/Public welfares undertaken: Preaching ill effects of drinking water immediately after food while simultaneously guzzling 2 cans of Coke/Pepsi after dinner. (He doesn't understand the meaning of irony...)

Recent hobbies: Like a typical Desi, took to photography (clicking or getting clicked) like a tribal pervert takes to internet porn. Now... has developed skills and creativity to promise certain girls (sisterly love) beautiful photographs of theirs with ideas for hairdo (for their wedding day).

Expected Avatar: In 5 years, will become a Mad scientist (is a PhD student after all), writing crazy chemical formulas over rice and selling them as art pieces! Oh rice he has to eat, so may be it is going to be on wheat!

The above post was brought to you by yet another useless soul in 918 S Claremont Av - yours truly! To know more about him, get in touch with any of the above mentioned. They'd be in police custody for assault on the writer!