Cricketer me

In my blog article - A compilation of regrets - I wrote about how I pictured myself as being someone other than who I am. I quit playing cricket in high school, disheartened by how hard work and discipline was not rewarded by my coach, thus realizing that my mom's words about sports not being the thing for our family.

Yet, my love for the game meant I tried to keep playing some form of the game or the other. In what was completely unforeseen by me (when I quit in school) I got a chance to play professional/club cricket here in the US. I played for Chicago Giants in 2009 and then Cricket Club of Illinois (CCI) in 2010, 2011 and 2012 - in 2012 as a captain of the team!

I always wondered how I look when I play. Not that I am a great or even a good player. (I am, now, beginning to get rid of the rust around my game. Every practice effort I put in gives me more confidence.) Yet the curiosity of how I look when I play shots, or when I take my stance, or when I run , or simply standing at the pitch with my head under a helmet appealed to me.

Finally, that fire was doused when Brian Stauffer photographed our match against Springfield Cricket Club. He took a  few hundred pictures, surely! He was nice to send me 2 of my photographs taken from the boundary. And here is what I look like...

He also captured a shot when I got hit on my back. I was trying to let the ball go down the leg side for a wide but it was closer than I expected and the ball was also quicker.

The greater man

It some times can be unnerving, and even depressing, to learn about yourself through unexpected quarters. To take a peek at yourself through someone... Esp when that someone is supposedly more evil than you are...

The shaking of foundations, that happens during this discovery, can be very depressing!

I spoke with Majid, an inmate of the Danville prison, a student of EJP, a man who made an impression on me the first time I heard and spoke to him. I was going around striking conversations with the students asking them what they were up to. I had occasions to synch up with my regular friends - Malik, Jojo, Bartosz and others. Majid, I hadn't spoken to much, since the EJP Open House.

He was, at that time, typing up his chronology of incarceration. My first impression of it was that it was going to be his resume when he was released. He had an earnest list of all the things that he learned, worked on, built while he was imprisoned. It was an impressive list. That list consisted of those things that could match or better the skills of an Engineer like me. Suddenly, all the impressed faces, when I would mention that I am a Computer/Software Engineer, seemed like taunts. Electrical wiring, plumbing, accountancy, sociology etc were boast-worthy indeed!

I asked him why he wouldn't prepare a resume instead. Or make the chronology of incarceration read from the latest event first. He said the purpose of the two things were different and that he already had prepared his resume. I was hoping he would get a steady income job once he was released. (It is only recently that I understood the social stigma about prisoners and their families. Having interacted with both inmates and their families, this time as a volunteer, not as a documentary-viewer or movie-watcher, I saw the other side of things. Placing myself in their shoes is so hard that I don't attempt to do that much these days.) His getting a job where his employer trusts him is as probable as the US governments employing terrorist organizations in defense organizations. Only this is much more brushed under the carpet and made to look like there is no discrimination.

He said that every employer will ask him tons of questions about his crime, the nature of it, the reason, the graveness, etc. "They will not care to ask even one question on what I did and learned all these years, and instead focus on that one incident!" I had a lump in my throat. I wanted to point out that there was nothing wrong in the employer wanting to know about the crime. After all, he did commit it and he can't run away from it. I didn't need to. He himself pointed out that he was not denying the crime but instead of looking to generalize his whole life based on one incident he should be viewed as another individual who made a mistake and is repenting so much that he not only is mellow and not committing more crimes but also has done useful things with and in his life. He has made use of every little chance he got to improve himself.

He told me that he was appealing for parole. He was due for release in 1982 but learned right around his release that the law was amended and instead of 63% paroles there would only be 2%. My heart sank when I thought how I'd have felt. Just 2 months before I was to be released, happily dreaming about my reunion with my family and SLAP! No release for another 20 years!

 He was in the prison for a homicide. Murder of 2 people...

"What do they (Jury/General public/Prospective employers) get by mentioning that one incident over and over again. It is not like I enjoyed it. It was an accident. I didn't run away from it but I have shown every sign of remorse by putting my life to good use. Here are the reports." Saying so he drew out a psychologist's report. He had a file of all documents that he could put together to appeal for a parole sooner than later.

I read through the summary of the crime glancing at him through the corner of my eye in between. I half wanted to picture how he may have been on that dreadful night of the murders. It was hard for me to imagine a fierce and gruesome expression on this man at all! Let alone on that night! I felt like a special friend at that moment. (We are told not to  talk about their crimes. Understandably they don't want to relive those horrifying events that brought them there and many more sad stories revolving around their families.) And then for Majid to show me his whole report... made me feel like that special friend who has been confided to. It made me respect him. When you look back at the times when it was difficult for you to confess your mistakes/shortcomings this candid conversation with Majid only made him admirable! How many of us have the guts to admit the flaws in us? How many of us can go to our loved ones now and tell them the actual truth?

Here was a man showing remorse. He didn't intend to kill those 2 people. All the same he doesn't deny that that doesn't make him a murderer deserving punishment. He only urges us all to see and acknowledge that he is a human being who earnestly tries every moment to keep improving. I looked at his resume again. I recollected his discussion on Civil Rights in the first meeting that I mentioned. I gasped!

Suddenly I realized that I was in the presence of a man far greater than I am. Have you ever felt a sinking feeling when you realize that what you believed about yourself was not true? To the society I am supposed to be the better individual right? He is supposed to be the evil of the society right? And yet when I saw what he made of the little that life offered him, I couldn't look at myself with the same pride any more.

Thank you, Majid, for showing me who the greater man was. You are a prisoner. Yet you dwarfed me hands down!

Leap to Life!

Pictures say a 1000 words!

A 1000 pictures say million words!

So here it is...

Leap to Life

Prison as a loss making company

Every company tries to earn to make profits. That is central to a thriving economy. Either through new products or efficient operations/services the costs are cut down and then cheaper cost products or services are offered. That is how competition picks out the best providers and the others either learn lessons and move into other sectors or further improve the current best efficiency through their innovation.

The quality of the service or the product and the use for those are the most important factors to decide whether the business will be successful or not. No one would want to buy defective pieces because often the repeated purchase of defective pieces exceeds the cost of a single purchase of a good quality product or service. In a capitalist economy profits are central. It is mutually to everyone's benefit to try and work on efficiency in their core strength. That way prices are driven downwards or kept the same while the quality of life improves.

In a small and ideal economy where everyone concentrates on their strengths there is no need for any regulations and laws. However even if there is an ideal economy, an entity as big as a nation cannot be treated as small. So there are popularly elected representatives whose tasks are to govern the region/nation and ensure everyone is able to concentrate on their tasks and improve the quality of life. The government should efficiently improve its governance and help keep with the overall goals of prosperity and happiness. The traders, craftsman and servicemen get their money from the goods and services they offer. The government employees need to get some money for their work too. That is tax. So a long story cut short, tax is everyone's mutual agreement and contribution towards the upkeep of and a better society.

Even though direct monetary profits is not the goal of the government the correct use of the tax (agreed individual contribution towards maintenance, improvement, etc) is and should always be. If that is not done correctly, then it is as good as a loss making company.

Let us consider prisoners. Let us start analyzing from the time they somehow get into the prison without belaboring and debating on the causes of their incarceration. They got there for having committed some crime. That crime may have been out of compulsion or force or lack of awareness or sheer mental disturbance. Never mind that. While in prison the typical reaction, initially, of a prisoner is denial or withdrawal. Everything seems unjust or incorrect. Some even harbor escape plans. Gradually reality sinks in. He realizes that the prison walls around him are no illusion. He realizes that he could keep whining for the rest of the term - very likely around 10 to 15 years - or do something useful.

If he chooses the former it is bad because he will easily be a negative energy carrier. He'll also join the negative forces and always be up to something nasty. What's worse? When he is released, not only does the social stigma around an imprisoned man deter him from landing an occupation to feed himself and his family but also the pent up negative energy can add to the misery and another crime may be committed without even a provocation. And then what happens? Very likely he is caught again and he is imprisoned again. Only this time it (the punishment) will be more severe because the ex-convict, apparently, didn't learn enough from the time served in the prison.

If he chooses the latter, good for him. But what useful things can he do? While in prison he can perhaps do a lot of helping around, maintaining the prison facilities and earn some money for his service. He could possibly learn some crafts or arts. But what good are most of these experiences when he is released? If he wants to get a job at a restaurant or at a post office or as a bus driver or a place where slightly higher skills, that come with a higher education, are needed? Shops may not employ him because of the mistrust they may have? "Who knows if he is completely corrected or not? What if he loots my shop?" The losses from even small crimes can be a lot to bear for a local shop owner. And to aspire for jobs requiring more skill, like  a receptionist or a computer repairman or a web developer or a call center or data entry operator he simply doesn't have requisite skills and the employers would rather get someone who is almost employable than to take the pains of training such n ex-convict.

Now what happens? He is left with no job! He is a human after all. He has to feed himself and maybe his family. Any guesses for the extent he may go to to survive? Of course the more idle time he spends the more negative energy can build up and then we're only being foolish in expecting no blast. So what is the use of a prison that only just temporarily shields the public from the dangerous/unstable elements? They need money to offer the public this service. That money is from tax, remember? Given the total population of the world, at any time there are people released into the world form prisons and there are some that are put in. So it is indeed only a temporary shielding place.

Now if we view the ex-convict (who completed his term in prison) as a product, if he returns to the prison for some reason, isn't it the same as a defective product from a company? A company that makes defective products falls out or is shut down. What about a prison in our society?

If no attempt is made to reform individuals inside a prison and they are only merely treated as defective pieces from God we are only doing ourselves disservice and harm. The reformation can be through education offered, counseling services, spiritual empowerment and open houses where the prisoners talk about the mistakes they made and urge the people on the border to not take their route. It is possible. I know for certain that most people regret some bad things they did in life. Likewise prisoners too regret their mistakes and they can, more than anyone else can, identify the people - the minds that can be influenced (teens mostly) - who are on the verge of making decisions that they will regret in the future. We must use them as a feedback mechanism to improve our society. For that to happen, we must do enough inside our prisons, to reform the prisoners, and then make them reach out to people on the edge of a cliff, about to commit a crime.

If no attempt is made to reform the inmates a prison system is as much a failure as a badly performing company with dwindling stock prices. If anything a failed prison system is worse because more lives will adversely be affected with their products!

Love in Ethiopia and its 'pullatlu'

I was excited about the new cuisine. So when Vinay suggested that we go to an Ethiopian place for his Birthday dinner I could barely hold myself from tearing my seat belts and jumping onto the Interstate and spreading my joy to the others. (I heard of the suggestion when I was still driving on I-94)

Ras Daschen was where we went. It is on 6846 N Broadway Av in Chicago. I reached there about 20 min earlier than the others. That gave me a chance to listen to some really fascinating and rejuvenating music by a live band.

I was engrossed in the music when I had a lady (waitress/manager) walk up to me and ask me if I wanted to sit down while I was waiting for my friends. And that is when I noticed another beautiful aspect of the restaurant (music being the first). That lady was beautiful and the first thing I thought to myself was that she was a direct descendent of Cleopatra. And then it didn't surprise me that Caesar had his second family there. If I am presented with a chance, I will have 100 families in Egypt, Ethiopia, Morocco etc. Her curly hair, typical of Africans, were bewitching. And her eyes... They were magic! Black magic! Only in this case the victim would love being one! And when the other waitress came up to me and inquired how I was and spoke a few things I was floored. I rued not being able to speak Ethiopian just to impress her. I was surprised that she even chuckled at some silly jokes that one attempts during pleasantries. And when that happened the music in the background played a wonderful catalyst to her movements. The beats on the African drums were so well timed that every beat met with her sashay as though they were trained in the military.

I had a good mind of begging her to break the step a bit, or else my heart would collapse from the hard pounding! My 20 min felt like 2 min when my friends arrived and I was hoping to be served by this soft killer. We weren't but the one who served us was charming too. A good 15 min into researching the menu and what each thing could mean, we were coming up with some suggestions for orders. We all sipped on tasteful, delectable, lip smacking Ethiopian beer, (selected by Venkat and me) first. Pavan seemed to start liking beer which was, to me, as pleasing as the sight of a baby's first steps to its mother.

Our orders consisted of some meat portions which Pavan and I didn't eat of course. We ordered vegetarian delicacies, the best of which, I thought, was Shirro! Injeras, the base item like Indian roti or rice, were strikingly similar in taste and appearance to an Andhra Pradesh delicacy (Pulla atlu/ Pullatlu - meaning sour crepes). Although I probably never had authentic pulla attu (singular for pulla atlu) Pavan's agreement to my claim gave me the confidence to put it in writing.

Once all the food arrived, we all were merry and gorging on the salivary-gland-tingling food! I let me eyes steal away to the next table where the swaying sashaying waitress was serving. "Those lucky ^&$((&*#", I thought! Our table was almost at the other end of the restaurant so that we couldn't have heard so much as an elephant trumpet, let alone a light strum of the live band's guitar. We asked that some music be played for us and they obliged. Pavan, again, seemed to be really fascinated by the music as were others. So I took my chance and gestured to that pretty woman. She came beaming all over. Was I stupid enough to just ask her to change the music to something that was played 5 min back? No!I was clever enough to use that chance to ask her questions about the music and get prolong her presence at our table. I was in a daze. It was either my heart or my words or just my imagination, but surely one of these was floating about in air like a happy feather. God! Why wasn't I an Ethiopian?

By the end of our meal we had plenty of food and music. Personally I could have done with more conversation with the above mentioned descendant of Helen of Troy and Cleopatra! Sadly I had to leave quickly lest my waiting friends curse me. Vinay would already be telling his sister - Deepti - (who would have probably asked her brother, "Why on Earth is he taking so long to come out?") that I was doing some gimmicks and chatting someone up. I had an occasion to chat with the owners of the restaurant and I paid my compliment to the very well presented restaurant, food and music.

Secretly I was also complimenting the other beautiful thing. I also told them how the injeras was very similar to pulla atlu and was hoping they'd tell me that Ethiopians and South Indians (Andhra Pradesh people particularly) were of one blood. In which case I was already making plans of calling up my parents with a view to suggest an alliance!

On my way out I showered praises to the musicians who were happy to point me to the website I mentioned above. My opinions are not biased because of the beautiful waitress but I would recommend Ras Daschen to everyone who love the delicious cuisine, rejuvenating music and the beautiful things in life. (On a similar note, I also understand that I could believe the stock analysts who write a disclaimer saying that they do not hold any stocks of the analyzed company.) I am certainly going there on my next trip to Chicago.

And if you go there you'll love it anyway, but I'd recommend you to go with your chums like I did. It would only make for one of the best memories you've had in life.

If cricket is my religion I am a blasphemer

Given the content that is to follow, I find it comfortable to put this disclaimer right at the beginning than at the end, which may not even be reached by many, if not most.
Disclaimer: I am agnostic and generally allow for a lot of questioning. I take good answers but also play devil's advocate often, just to get people to think hard. This article is not my way of imposing my uniqueness or rebellious attitude or an attempt to gain attention from such a popular topic. So if you are about to leave a comment, please feel free to do so but remember what I said above.

For an aspiring Indian cricket fan perhaps there were 2 good times to start following the game - 1) just before 1983 and 2) just around 1991. The former marking not only significant as India's first World Cup win but also as minnows beating giants and the first time a non West Indian team won a world cup.
The latter marking the increasing popularity and rising number of gasps and utterances of a name as a big talent - Sachin Tendulkar.

I remember beginning to follow cricket from 1993 (Hero Cup) and vague memories of India thrashing England in a home test series under Azharuddin. I remember cheering 2 players more than anyone else -Sachin and Azhar. Nothing would have excited me to watch a game of test cricket more than the sight of the 2 of them playing together. I even remember the days when they'd move the camera from the wicket keeper to the slips and you'd see the following order (always) - Azhar, Sachin and Kapil. Something about that gave a very secure feeling (not to the opposition) to a fan.

Come 1996 World Cup, a storm of enthusiasm was brewing about India's chances to win the cup. It was a home tournament and we didn't really start badly. Never mind the Semi final now. In fact both the games against Sri Lanka started with Jayasuriya and Kaluwitharana back in the pavilion in the first over. And yet we lost. In any case the (now) apple of our eyes - Sachin - was the man of the series and he seemed to be talking only centuries through his bat.

From then to now, nothing changed. Through thick and thin, through rough patches and great form, through all scandals around him, he maintained his superiority. Not just in the team but elsewhere. Around 1998 bowlers bowling to him were all converted to insomniacs. He was a terror, although all of it was through his bat. Never was he aggressive. Never did he show dissent against umpires ghastly errors. The some times he did do that was more of cursing his own fate than the umpire. No child could have learned from him and become a bad sportsman.

He went on to break records before creating some of his own. These, currently look so unachievable by anyone else for eons to come, that they deserve a separate adjective than Bradmanesque. For all of the 90s it would be fair to him to say he carried the team on his shoulders. For a country that seemed to stop producing Superheroes since the mythological times (Krishna, Rama etc) Sachin was a proud creation/possession. He was our answer to Spiderman, Superman, etc. When he took off his helmet, raised his bat and looked up it meant India was going to win (more often than not). When even his centuries couldn't help gain victories (Test match against Pakistan, Sharjah tournament, World cup '96 group match against Sri Lanka, etc) the fans stopped expecting India to win. Instead they found a new event to look forward to - Sachin scoring centuries. It soon became a ritual which had lost its meaning through generations. Fans started celebrating the fact that he was a terror to bowlers from other countries. "Well! No one can take that from us!" they'd say to themselves in schools, offices, dhabas, outside television showrooms or any shop that had a television showing a cricket match.

With the arrival of Sourav Ganguly, the team not only got rid of its bugbear (match-fixing) but also shed its skin to be seen as a fighting team with winning as its quest. Fans now had other things to cheer about too. Other players to keep track of too. With the others often chipping in, the pressure on Sachin to perform in a do or die cause reduces and soon became non-applicable. In a phase where Sehwag was very consistent (mind you, his test average is still above 50 and for his strike rate, I needn't say more) I'd actually switch off my tv when Sehwag got out and I'd wonder how 'those' days were when Sachin getting out meant the game was over. This happened even as lately as in 2002. (Remember the Natwest final against England - 143/5 with Sachin out, India would have instantly experienced a plunge in electricity consumption!)

We started winning games more and more consistently with the rise of more and more individual match-winners. With the passage of time, akin to ripening of fruits and aging of wine, our batting order, the envy of the world was supposed to be more and more impregnable and unbeatable. You'd expect individuals visiting a foreign country for a test tour for the nth time in their careers; the very ones whose individual batting records would beat some lower ranked teams, would by now get so invincible that experienced bowling line-ups, let alone younger ones, would have nightmares about getting the team all-out.

For a fan like me, it was extremely disappointing to have won the tour in West Indies only 1-0. Losing to England 4-0 was a shame for the reasons mentioned above. Then coming back to home soil, we beat West Indies only 2-0 (where a 3-0 was doable)... It was very uneasy to see these performances. Optimists and those let-these-go-sayers would bring up a variety of arguments. Some of them included calling other teams "not the best". That, to me, still didn't justify India's shabby batting performances. I'll agree that we have had our problems with bowling teams out and so winning tests (and ODIs against strong batting units) was going to be difficult. Add to those problems BCCI's follies like 'attempting to prepare sporty pitches' which eventually would turn out to be neither turners nor bouncy but dead.

With Ganguly (weakest of the big 5 that we boasted through most of early 2000s) gone the other 4 had to carry on for some time as we slowly inducted younger players to play alongside the living legends, learn a few lessons about batting and not-losing if not winning. So late in 2011 New Zealand drew the test series 1-1 and announced that Australia was suspect against swing bowling. Memories from Steve Waugh's last series flashed and it seemed all correct, the way Zaheer and Irfan Pathan extracted wickets through swing. Hopes of the first ever series win in Australia were brimming. The new finds Umesh Yadav and Varun Aaron augmenting the already blooded Ishant and wise and crafty Zaheer meant that this was the first time our bowling was going to feel at home in Australia.

If winning, for some reason - like Ponting's getting back to form, Clarke stealing the thunder, viral flu attacking all Indian batsmen - was difficult, at least drawing tests this time was supposed to be walks in the parks. What happened then? How did we not manage to save a single test? The only ray of hope came out to be Virat Kohli! His 50 on a Perth wicket where everyone else failed showed promise. That's all!


Is it wrong to feel cheated now? 4 biggies whose experience put together is unbeatable by a whole squad of most other teams failed us yet again! Well, even if they had won us some series here and there, the loss this time was unacceptable. Why? Of course it was not acceptable because if we lost with such players, how could we hope to win series in the near future with all 4 (realistically) close to retirement. 2 of them are already out of the ODI and T20 squads so there is no debate on that front.

So when I, as a fan, wish and pray that Sachin retires, am I a blasphemer? Part of why I specifically am mentioning him is that the others have come to be ignored anyway. I don't want to get into statistical belaboring. I take my hats off to all that he has done. Now with the 100th 100 becoming the new craze nothing else seems to matter - not winning, not even a fighting performance. We are ready to tolerate a poor performance if Sachin would get his 100th 100. That is not acceptable for me. I think he has a lot of records and even has a World Cup now. I'd have appreciated if he retired right then. But then it was ok for him to carry on. No harm... But to what extent?? Is it okay if he keeps gifting his wickets to newbies who weren't even born when he scored his first century? Is it okay if India keeps losing despite him in the team?

When a team does badly, the seniors are supposed to take responsibility. So NOW what is the problem in asking Sachin to take ownership? We're okay with Dravid being hanged to death, Laxman being lynched, Sehwag being tortured to death, we even pick on newcomers for not performing, but we let Sachin get away? Somewhere I believe it is this very attitude that lets, the wrong-doers get away in India, politicians continue to rape us day in and day out and we ask for more!

In my honest opinion Sachin should retire. (Of course who am I to decide? No one. In fact if I had the power to decide there would have been no need to 2nd guess what he'd be doing by now.) If this was even a few years ago, I wouldn't have said all this and I didn't. There was his very lean patch years ago and I was praying for him to recover. Not now! As a well-wisher for Indian team I want one slot in the team to be unblocked for a youngster who, inspired by Sachin, could attempt to get close to his stature (if as most would say no one can ever be Sachin) soon and carry the baton forward. In a country with so much of talent I find it hard to understand the extra lenience being showered on a lost cause. And for those who are trying to convince yourselves or others that records don't matter to him I will feel scared for your gullibility. Not like it is bad to have such ambitions but don't preach about his altruistic and selfless intentions! At the end of the day he gets paid for what he is doing. He hasn;t been playing for free, you know? If he were really selfless and patriotic he'd have perhaps given IPL lesser priority than some tours he didn't go on.

To me the breaking point was first the England tour where I refused to take any excuse for the defeat and then the Australia tour. I think my prayer that all 4 biggies quit is fair. I also know that these prayers will not meet with any resistance for 3 of them but for the 4th one I'll even get death threats. That is what riles me and I hope people see the fan's cry in this tirade more than a random rambling and a trigger for a statistical war.

Please Sachin! Go while we still have time to recover from our wounds!