A year as good as life summary

At every stage of one's life one has moments when they think to themselves, "This is it! This is the toughest moment in my life."
To elaborate or enumerate each one would be of not much point but here are a few points:
1- In 9th std I'd wonder how people would memorize all texts for the final board exam. Did it somehow.
2- In 11th I wondered how I'd get into Engineering (I was sure I didn't want to pursue a career in Medicine). I did.
3- With horrible performance in academics I was worried if I'd ever get placed and get a job. I got a job when I least expected. I didn't even dress for the interview. Went in  raggedy jeans and tee-shirt.
4- Had absolutely no clue of work there and often spent 15 to 17 hour work days for a whole week or 2.
5- Change of job. Cleared all tech rounds and was selected. Got stuck at HR process tussle between 2 companies. Was so disappointed that I thought that was the end of my hopes. A wise man - my dad - said more opportunities will come. If you are capable enough you'll never have a problem. And true to his words I did get another job in a month from the HR related failure.
6- Quitting work to pursue MS. My manager thought I wasn't too technically strong for a research oriented job profile. That did enough to poke my ego and I decided to do Masters - that which my dad had long been vocalizing about. The whole application process was draining.
7- Masters was relatively a breeze except that brand UIC didn't seem to help get a job. So again the worry of how to, where to and when to get the job.

Exactly 1 year back I joined Riverbed Technology. It wasn't exactly my dream job given my background was more in Embedded Systems and Processor Architecture. However I took it up. The first 2 or 3 months were so hazy that I had no clue what I was doing, what was expected of me, how I was being judged etc, Leaving all my friends in Chicago necessitated making new friends here and having some life here too.
Began playing tennis, cricket and visiting Chicago every weekend. I'd look forward to weekends so much that I'd start planning on wednesdays. And until Tuesdays I'd be hung over fro the previous weekend.

Aug 14th - I fractured my thumb playing cricket and surgery was the only go. A man of weak heart when it comes to hospitals and medical procedures can't imagine such a thing being done on him. Between a syringe poke and death I'd pick the latter. And yet with some bravery I went ahead with the surgery. I took pics of my thumb with pins jutting out of it. Surely brave of me!

Weeks leading up to Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays saw me work 12 to 14 hours a day for a week at a stretch, This wasn't demanded at work but I thought to take up the challenge to finish my tasks earlier than estimated. By now I started enjoying my work and decided to  do well here. Things changed and for good. I started living in Champaign rather than merely counting my breaths here during weekdays and rushing to Chicago for weekends. I did a play in late Fall and enjoyed meeting new people and befriending some people. These are people I'd always look forward to meeting and sharing ideas! I joined writers' club and quit because of lack of time.

I visited many places - Las Vegas, Toronto and San Francisco noteworthy of the places.

The cycle of working late nights is back now and I am happy to be working. My only loss is personal life. From how I was maybe a couple of years back and maybe in undergrad to now - I mellowed and quietened a lot. Life does things to you. Friends come, friends drift. There is an underlying depression when you think that eventually all friends will slowly start drifting apart though not necessarily in a sour way. There are minor achievements you feel proud of and there are mistakes that you rue.

On social front I perhaps made a lot of acquaintances but I lost some friends and their love for me. Or so I feel. At times it is not the million friends you have on Facebook but it is 1 person you could turn to any time and preferably a 2-way traffic at that.

New crushes, not so enthusiastic pursuance, familiar stories of no reciprocation for various reasons, odd people randomly asking, "How come you aren't hooked up yet?"
Wanting to buy a dream car but ending up buying a car that has a dream owner. Poor credit to much improved credit history. And now plans to go to India, meet my parents, grandparents, answer questions about marriage and plans ahead, go to places esp in Andhra Pradesh.
So many things lined up but this blog is mainly to celebrate my 1 year at work - Riverbed Technology and 1 year at Urbana-Champaign - a place I thought I could never live in, given I am a big city person. I'd recommend UC to all people who have a taste for a life filled with variety.

Here's a cheers to my 1 year which has been as good as a summary of people's lives for fives or tens of years or even whole lives.

Protest done? Now put in some thought too, please!

I have a problem. I am not sure who is going to solve it. I am not sure if it is ever going to be solved.

How should I feel if I am promised a free land, free food supply and general free stuff like maybe a car and then there slowly start coming out conditions (fine print) to get those! And what if the conditions (fine print) sound eerily similar to my present condition (state of affairs)?

I am talking about Jan Lokpal Bill! I am particularly interested in (and now concerned about) the recommendations made by JLB! In the beginning I was cursing everyone who didn't help spread the message of India Against Corruption (IAC). Everyone! If my dad was active on Facebook and he did anything other than spread the awareness I'd have disowned him. Such was the intensity of my feelings about JLB!

Here was some revolution which had the potential of that which happened in Egypt. It had the capacity to involve all of the Indian population except the 500 to 2000 odd politicians that may exist in India. Everybody has had at least one experience that he/she could narrate with a red face! It needed everyone to be/speak/think/act in unison! We needed to show the government the most naked form of democracy - where we are actually exercising the by, for and of the people part of governance or policy/decision-making.

After the initial apathy, born to one parent being the Cricket World Cup 2011, we somehow achieved the unison mentioned above. Even if it was mere signatures gathered, Facebook clicks (the laziest method yet a comforting and blinding one in that people think they have done their good for the day, but not quite) we did gather some momentum. The news of Annaji Hazare breaking fast was sweeter than the World Cup victory for me and perhaps for a few others.

Yet, now, as I read some recommendations, watched some videos of the campaign and read some blogs and editorials, I can't help but feel this is eerily reminiscent of the story in the book - "Animal farm" by George Orwell. It starts of with the pigs starting a revolution against the tyranny of man. Then all the animals decide to create a new world for themselves. But then hey! It is a society (coming together of different animals) right? So there have to be basic rules so that one animal doesn't hurt the other to live and yet thrive. The rules or laws start showing their loopholes and shortcomings. The pigs who take the responsibility of governance start stiffening the rules so as to tax (tax as money and tax as demanding) themselves lesser than the other animals.


Slowly and soon the animals realize that being under man was no different or no worse than being under the pigs. What hurt more was that the pigs were considered their own once upon a time! The story ends with some animals sneaking in through one of the windows of the pigs' residence. The pigs are enjoying drinks with men!

Other people had concerns with fasting unto death as a means of protest or being called democratic! I have my own opinions and presently don't wish to discuss that. My problem is with the election of the members of Jan Lokpal organization! "There is no political way of electing members. This is done strictly apolitically!" Although it sounds correct at the first glance, it doesn't quite sound so if you think about it enough. So how would the members or judges be selected? Highest level judges will select the members. Members will also be among the Padma Bhushan awardees.
Again, first glance - Wonderful! What more can be asked for?

Think carefully! The last few years of awards seemed like government doing favors to some select "blessed" people more than sheer merit! If this method of selection of members is accepted, I don't see how the government can't meticulously start bestowing awards to people whom they can groom. Sooner than later, we'll have yet another corrupt organization in our country and zillions of dreams of India-2020 shattered and all future sparks (public endeavors) to try to bring about a renaissance will be doused (mostly with diffidence, skepticism and a feeling of helplessness).

I am surprised that a panel consisting of Kiran Bedi, Anna Hazare and other prominent personalities could come up with only such flawed recommendations! Or was this indeed a government scheme to capture public rage and give it a vent into another universe? Will one of my most revered and admired personalities turn out to be a public traitor? Or even if she doesn't, won't the future members be so easily prone to corruption that this whole exercise would have become wasted?

It did not end with Facebook campaigns/clicks or candlelight protests. Let there be more debates! Let there be more awareness and involvement! Let us take some time out to come up with ideas ourselves, and then recommend them to the government before pushing for acceptance! Let us not give ourselves and our children a chance to blame us!

A letter to Maheen Sadiq

Dear Maheen,

Like every touching article naturally evokes reactions, most of which manifest as comments, you could take this as my elaborate reaction.

You almost hit the nail on the head when you said, "Cricket speaks to our nation in a way our government never has." I say "almost" because east of your border, it turns out to be true for us too! We rejoice when our team wins - like we did on March 30th when we beat your team. We crash in despair when we lose out - much like you did especially in 2007 World Cup. We admire our stars but we admire them more when they unite as a team to play.

Cricket as a medium to communicate with you seems the easiest. What an irony that it takes a game introduced by the very nation that divided us and filled us with hatred for each other, to break the ice, to understand each other, to embrace each other and to respect each other!

Take for instance the Semifinal game after which your beloved captain apologized to the nation. As much as we were proud of our team and ignored the opposition here on this side of the television... As much as you all were sour about losing to our team in the semifinal... All was gone when we saw Afridi smiling and genuinely congratulating each and every player of our team! Though we were celebrating and didn't have time to voice the sympathy and respect, I am sure every sane and mature person subconsciously acknowledged it. All ice was instantly broken!

So much so that I'd like to give you another point in support of that theory. At least personally at knockout stages whenever we defeated another team I would for a brief moment feel sad for the opposition. This happened in 2003 World Cup when we thrashed all teams except Australia. This time, not for a moment I felt any sympathy for the Australian team! I felt sadistically happy! But every moment in my celebration after the Semifinal win I subconsciously stood up and took my hats off to Afridi and the whole team.

Only someone who is dishonest or "extremely diplomatic" would say that Pakistan deserved to win this World Cup. I am being truthful - Pakistan didn't have a team to win this World Cup and India for once were favorites. Being an Indian my blood was boiling seeing Misbah bat the way he did. I was shocked that they spilled 4 chances at getting Sachin out. There were jokes doing rounds suggesting that maybe Afridi actually meant "We'll let Sachin score his 100th 100!"


Your team did well to reach this stage. Your team did even better to conduct themselves in the manner in which they did.

As a player - Afridi was one of my most hated. He was never a responsible player. How he got out in the semifinal and T-20 2007 final are but 2 examples out of the many there are. The comparisons with Sehwag were even more irritating and completely unjustified. His demeanor often made me think he is an arrogant brat. Maybe he was and maybe he changed. And the semifinal did just make me stand back and take a look at this person as a person! Hang on! Here is someone who looks just like our players when they lose! Here is someone who knows people back home will be sour, hurt and dismayed - just like back here!

Now after I read your post to Mr Afridi, my heart was filled with warmth! Your words weren't jazzy but you did it with simple words. Just the way Afridi pleased us all with his simple smile. I didn't much like the comments about not liking the US because after having living here for a couple of years I realized that the average people here are like us too. We let politics and diplomacy dictate our judgments towards each other and we should slowly stop poisoning our minds this way. I am sure now you'll definitely understand what I meant.

We hated Pakistan and Pakistanis after 26/11 blasts. We hated Pakistan after every terror attack. And we could be justified in doing so. Our lives were lost. Then we hear of blasts in Lahore and we are perplexed. We realize that it is simply not all population of India against all population of Pakistan! Neither you folks love constant conflict nor us. Again I'll use cricket to explain this.

One thing that US can do that neither India nor Pakistan can do independently is "2nd level diplomacy". It is in the US that I took to playing cricket after 11 years. I cautiously joined a team with 9 or 10 of them Pakistanis. Every move of mine was measured and I'd looked and observed carefully every person. In a few days after I joined the team there were blasts in Lahore. My teammate was on phone talking to friends and relatives back in Pakistan. He was worried and almost in tears hearing the voices of his near and dear ones. I wasn't surprised but it was reinforcing something that was buried deep in subconscious. That we are the same. You do exactly the same thing that we do when we hear of mishaps back home. You care for nothing as much as peace and development back home, as we do. Love for cricket and movies, hatred for politicians, festivities, ceremonies, clothes, colors, "mitti ki khushbu", "mithhaiyaan"...

At this point nothing more needs to be said except this. Let us not depend on our politicians for progress. You and me - we can take small steps. Our baby steps multiplied by our sheer number can do a lot more than these politicians giant steps often backed by hidden motives! Let us start a new and grass-root level of diplomacy - "2nd level diplomacy" or "People diplomacy"!

Let us continue to bring about peace through our friends and acquaintances! We can definitely progress on this much better than if we were to depend on the Zardaris or Singhs or whoever next. On second thoughts, maybe our premiers should invite each other every time there is a cricket match at either side of the border. That way at least we get to explore our commonness and contemplate peace and unity!
Cheers.

Yours sincerely,
Varun

PS: I invite you to watch the next Ind-Pak match at my place :)

Why I can't be an atheist?

Why you?

Thank God it was me. Hopefully it ended with me. Don't want such a thing happening to even my enemy...

You don't have enemies!

In theory, son...

He scarred your face. He gave you pain. You can't even smile. The very attempt to smile and infuse energy in people causes you pain!!! Is that what your 'God' gave you for being a gem of his children

He protected me from worse!

What absurd logic is that? I refuse to take that.

You are too harsh on God.

You only help others. You go out of your way for others. You feed every poor person you meet. You feed every hungry person that walks in to your house. Many a soul are blessed to even have eaten your hand-cooked meals. You are stupid enough to be unconditionally affectionate, warm, welcoming and kind to others. You are especially kind to rejected, lesser children of 'God'! Why you?

Maybe my wrongs in previous lives...

What kind of 'God' is he if he can't dish out punishments as and when wrongs are done? Why should I believe in your 'God'? Why is he a 'God' if he can only punish you now for being flawless? Even in your thoughts I haven't seen you harm anyone. You made backstabbers feel ashamed of themselves by your warm treatment towards them... I am justified in being an atheist!

You have to be open enough to understand his ways, son! I am happy I am done away with this now, than later, at an older age, when I have reduced tolerance to pain!

How can you be so positive amidst so much pain and agony? Well, maybe I should believe in God. I should believe in you... I should, because you do exist!

(GET WELL SOON MOM!)

Almighty customer care center

"All right, will someone stand up and take responsibility, now?" Was all I could ask." For the whole day, I had my ID/Access card in my pocket and I was searching for it everywhere except in it. Then when I looked for it in the pocket in the morning, I didn't find it. I went to office preparing myself for limiting bladder discharge in the day. Every visit needed Access card to get back into my office. I forgot that I kept it in my pocket like a programmed machine. It just didn't register. I thought I was forgetful and so must've forgotten to put the card in the pocket. So much for self-confidence!
On this day, that I called  a call center already, sorting out a cellphone bill (I apparently spoke for a good 1100 min (not so good with the amount it cost me) in daytime during that month and 1100 or more on nights and weekends!) I could have done with another.
So here is another 1-800 number that I'd like to call now. Picture something like this...
1-800-COOL-GOD-4-U : "Hi! Welcome to God's customer service center.  Press 2 for Spanish! {Pause}
{Continuing in English} To make a request (prayer) press 1. For divine support press 2. For other options please press 3. For thanksgiving press 9999999999! (Hardly used option! So much so, even God is skeptical it happens...)"
I pressed 3. An auto-voice said, "Your call may be monitored for quality purposes."
"Hi I am an angel, how may I help you?"
"Hi, this is, uhhmm, Varun. I wish to talk to someone who could help explain why I am dumb."
"Oh that is grievance cell. Currently there are a 6999999998 people who are on line. Please wait while we transfer you there."
"What! That's just 2 short of the world population! Who are those 2 kind souls who are saving me some time?"
"Uhhmm! Those would be Rajnikanth and Tom Cruise, sir!"
"Aaahhhh! I should've known", I thought!
After much wait, my call was attended to.
"Hi I am calling to find out why I am so dumb? Rather, so absent-minded?"
"For security purpose, sir, could you verify your date of birth for us?
"Dec 30th 1984"
"Thank you! And your caste?"
"What??? Why would YOU need my caste?"
"We're trying to adopt the Indian political systems. What with India Shining and all... Besides, Ayodhya thing finally being resolved slowly over eons!!! You know that's how God likes to do things - slowly but assuredly!"
"So, are God, Allah and Shiva, Vishnu, and the gang all different? They are all friends up there, at least, I hope!"
"Ok sir, that confirms that you indeed are dumb! We need no further security verification! Please hold a moment while we pull up your records!"
{What! I thought that was everyone's question! Why am only I dumb? Oh well, that is what I was supposed to get sorted out anyway!}
"Sir, we have your records pulled up. Since it is a lot of data, would you like to ask specific questions?"
"Sure! Why am I absent-minded? For example..."
"Sir, we are sorry! There was a mistake in your design! You were manufactured in God's Taiwan dept. We thought of a recall, but your head was already out by then... We could credit you though if you..."
"What? Credit?"
"Yeah, like how it happened with your Verizon phone bill? ROTFL. How did you manage that sir? There was no mistake on Verizon's part, though. In our case, we'd like to apologize for our mistake and credit your next life with better stuff."
"So what would that make me?"
"A silicon implant, sir!"
{Sigh!}
"So why exactly am I defective?"
"God was watching Sachin Tendulkar bat..."
"What! Wasn't he just 11 then?"
"Yes, he was musing over his creation and seeing how at that young age he was developing and all! You know, customer feedback and market survey etc?"
"Aaarrrghghghgh!"
"Besides, at about that time there were a lot of cries. Tragedy befell a lot of places. Chernobyl, Bhopal, assassinations, etc. People killed, people praying out of fear. They hardly pray during prosperity, you know! And never for the good of all! For statistics, the most used word in prayers is 'I'."
"So distractions did it all huh!"
"Yes sir! Glad you understand. Is there anything else I could assist you with?"
"Is there nothing else that could be done now?"
"You are a goof! Be happy. Your goofiness is a source of entertainment for people."
"Not for my mom, for example!!!"
"Well, your records show that in your absence, she giggles about it. Your aunts do that too. In future they'll tell your children stories of your dumbness!"
"Thanks for driving it in!"
"To help yourself, sir, maybe you should try smart things, like not playing cricket when you haven't yet recovered from your fractured thumb!"
"I love that game!!!"
"And so you let it systematically disintegrate you? Sir, we could escalate this problem higher up but at this point I must warn you, that further inquiries would have a negative impact on your Credit history in the US."
"I'm not surprised! Is there anything in the world or in the universe that can actually boost up your credit history rather than damage it?"
"None that we know of, sir! Only Osama bin Laden and such minded people are exempt. They can get away doing all that they want. Only Iraq, Iran and innocent lives are threatened always!"
"I observed that the evil get to live richly and nicely. No worries. Isn't it supposed to not work that way?"
"Sir, we are bringing up upgrades and enhancements to our systems. It is slated to be in future after Kali Yuga. You could stay subscribed to our updates for INR 200000 per month."
"No thanks! But I am curious you take INR?"
"That's the in thing sir. Nothing with $$$ these days. We're hoping for India Shining and all but it needs entrepreneurs and all. We all know people only talk and do nothing except post videos on FB about Glorious India! People like you should tighten up and aim high. That will at least earn you more credit than to be just a silicon implant in the next birth!"
"Can I not be a writer?"
"And just torture more people? Aren't we talking about making the world a better place to live in?"
"Oh! So I need more improvement in my writings then?"
"You're getting there... Already some improvement in understanding words. Now clean the wax in your ears sir. In most of your friends' prayers, we record 2 common problems - 1: Why doesn't he hear properly? 2: Someone make him eat fast! At least 1 morsel an hour! Is there anything else I could assist you with?"
"Thank you, nothing for now."
"Thank you for your time, and sleep tight, cause 'you look wonderful tonight...' Hah hahaha! Just kidding. We love Clapton in here!"
"Eric Clapton and all! Thanks good night!!"

By the way...

My status update on Facebook evoked some expected reactions. Some were unexpected. Now that's perhaps my current state of mind that makes those unexpected...
So here as the original status "Caution: A right thumb fracture and a surgery on it can make you walk and behave like a pregnant woman!"
Of course it is difficult to believe it could be that awkward, but then take my word, it is that way!
Why, one may ask, should one take my word? Because I am suffering and also, before the surgery I could move about normally even using the rest of my fingers easily.

So here are some of the thoughts that came to my mind as I was trying to answer people's questions! First up, the justification behind my status message:
Please note that I meant every word of it. That doesn't necessarily mean I experienced both sides of the comparison! But then you needn't die in front of an oncoming train to know you'll die if you stand up against a train!

Common behavior between a pregnant woman and Varun (tempted to speak in 3rd person. Makes self-jesting that much easier...):
1 - Walks very slowly and carefully as if to try not to disturb the balance in the universe!
2 - Feels like sleeping and resting more.
3 - Feels hungry more than normal and when sits to eat, loses apetite!
4 - Temper tantrums? Ummm maybe that explains why I talk lesser than normal?
5 - Morning sickness? That is almost everyday (surgery or not). I am not a mornings person!
6 - Putting on weight (my face looks the broadest ever, now)!

Common expressions one may hear from Varun (tempted to speak in 3rd person) these days that one also may have heard a pregnant woman use:
1 - Ouch!
2 - I feel like puking!
3 - I feel it is moving!!!
4 - Look! It is moving!!!
5 - It is pushing!
(3, 4 & 5 refer to what I feel about my thumb inside the cast. Won't mention what 3, 4 & 5 mean for a pregnant woman! :p )

2 thumbs up!

It wasn't the best of the starts I could have had, I must say. The round of events should justify the "Vicissitudes" in the blog's name.
Roughly 6 weeks into my romance with my newly wed, I've had not so good stuff happen in personal life. Moving to a nice little university town (Urbana-Champaign), working full-time in the day, playing tennis every evening, playing cricket on weekends and visiting Chicago on weekends to meet friends and spending time at Brand "918 SC" with some new officers ramping up to carry the torch/brand forward were a lot of things to do in an average week. However a freak accident while playing cricket led to a fractured right thumb. That not only put a comma (maybe coma too) to my activities but also dented my spirits. (Being denied a car loan sort of added to the irritation.)
Now, being advised to undergo a surgery to correct my thumb dented my spirits beyond imagination. At about the same time, I even got a speeding ticket and a parking ticket. Being a proud driving student of my father, this put me to shame.

I didn't know if any inspiration would work to humor me away from the glum, nauseating, knocking-off thoughts. When I was getting my thumb a splint of plaster of paris, next to me was sitting an old lady. I tried not to look at her for the fear of accidentally letting my eyes land on her injury/wounds/fracture. A hyper imagination has caused to me faint for even trivial things like a vaccination.
The lady was perhaps in her 70s or so. She sounded frail. Her words trembled, more because they came from a very old throat than out of nervousness. Despite being in the deepest thoughts about my surgery and being worried, I lent my ears to her words. She talked about this and that. Suddenly she exclaimed, "Oh wow! I will have new bandages!" It sounded so like a kid getting a new dress. I couldn't help but chuckle. Next she was being given some covering, supporting boots.

"These look like ski boots! I could go skiing!"
This time I guffawed! It may not be the quality of the joke as much as the spirit of the old lady! There was my inspiration to get back the kid Varun who'd bravely go to hospitals and impress the doctors and surgeons. My surgery is due on friday Sep 3rd 2010. While I wait to see which of my friends can be with me that day at the hospital, the lady and her words will go a long way towards my mental strength.
Here is to your humor and the timing, lady!
My original title for this post was - Fractured thumb - rebuilt humor.
I changed it to the current title to not only archive her words but to also implement my resolve to keep my humor (which I learned from her).
And yeah, prayers are welcome - In cash or kind. Even 2 thumbs up would do ;)